Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Settle Down! Part 2
This whole Ndamukong Suh thing has gotten so out of hand (I originally wrote "Suh out of hand" which made me contemplate killing myself) that I'm pretty sure that when he finally lands at the airport he will be met by a gang of assholes carrying pitchforks and torches. It's been unbelievable to watch fans just relentlessly bitch the dude out on twitter, leading to a hailstorm of stupidity that has pelted and scarred us all. Indeed, this will always linger like a stale fart over the career of Ndamukong Suh.
There are those who blame Suh and his agents, who are being painted as reptilian Nazis with lies for tongues and malice for souls, and yeah, they need to get that son of a bitch in camp. But, man . . . this whole thing has been magnified to such a ridiculous extent thanks to that bastard twitter, which has erased all the lines that used to exist between fans and players. And I'm now just realizing that those lines existed for a reason. People are fucking crazy. They'll say anything. They just don't give a shit. A guy holds out for two days and pretty soon people are sending him messages telling him he is a lying piece of shit. It's amazing. I mean, would you just walk up to the dude on the street and be all HEY FUCK YOU LIAR YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT. Probably not. And if you did, I'm guessing you'd probably have to have some good shoes and have to stretch really well beforehand.
Of course, because Suh and his family are not robots but real, live human beings (Yeah, I know . . . shocking!), they have not just stood there like the guards outside of Buckingham Palace and taken the abuse. No, both Suh and his sister have taken to beating off (uh . . .) the marauding twitter hordes, treating Lions fans like the crazed rampaging zombies they've been acting like throughout this whole goddamn fiasco.
I mean, really, can we get at least some sense of rationality in here? I know that we are Lions fans and we have been turned into crazed beasts by the years of unfathomable pain, but come on, we are still gentlemen and lady gentlemen and we don't need to resort to this kind of shit. The issue has gone so far beyond who's wrong and who's right and become a matter of acting like fucking human beings. Are you pissed because Suh isn't signed and in camp? Cool. That's fine. A big part of me agrees with you. But shit, let's just try and keep that in perspective, you know? It's not like the dude is breaking into our homes and eating our first born, and then shitting on our living room carpets. There's no need to be rounding up the posse and loading the guns.
It's distressing as all hell that it has come to this. I mean, Goddamn, people are angry! Sometimes, it's stunning when you realize what a bunch of angry jackoffs human beings really are. We all walk around like some psychotic powder keg, just searching for any sort of perceived slight that can allow us to channel our fury in a storm of righteousness. Most people hide this shit in their day to day lives. But not on the Internet. Oh no. Here, everyone is Dirty fucking Harry. It's unreal. But we all have known that for a long time. Message boards have long been full of dudes constantly screaming UNACCEPTABLE and threatening to castrate anyone with a differing opinion. But now, they can actually directly communicate with the objects of their great scorn and derision, which just leads to a cacophony of dumb rage that just swirls and swirls and swirls, building until you reach a point where the whole thing becomes utterly absurd. I mean, come on, there are scores of dudes viciously fighting with Suh's sister. Has it come to this? Really?
Look, you know things have gotten out of hand when I am the one trying to be the voice of reason and preaching civility. Think about that shit for a moment. Just think about it and then bow your head in shame. Christ.
Be pissed off all you want. Be angry at Suh, be angry at his agents, be angry with the Lions, but shit, try to act like a human being, you know? After all, these are strange and terrible times, full of vile ugliness and tortured pain and we cannot afford to become wretched cannibals, gnawing on one another's bones and whipping each other with chains made of fear and hatred. We will just destroy ourselves to satisfy our base instincts, like dumb animals in heat. We are better than that. For fuck's sake, let's get our shit together before this gets utterly out of hand.