Tuesday, December 16, 2008
0-14, 0-14, 0-14, 0-14, 0-14, 0-14, 0-14
Okay, so the Lions didn't lose by the hundred or so I predicted but at no point, even when the game was tied at 21 in the fourth quarter, did I think that the Lions would win that game. You see, I have watched every game that these turds have played this year and this is something that has happened before. And, like before, the Lions stuck their feeble little heads above water for a few moments, basked in the sunshine and then were drowned again by a tidal wave of immense shit water.
The good news I guess is that Dan Orlovsky looked okay for the most part. Maybe you could win with him as a sort of caretaker type dude, the kind of guy who isn't going to win a game for you or anything but won't fuck up too badly - aside from the occasional scenic jaunt out the back of the end zone anyway. But really, on this team, that just means that he's a guy that will get them to lose by ten instead of thirty. He's not the guy, he just isn't, and so any encouragement that could be taken away from how he played is pretty much nullified.
And that is what is almost just as depressing as the fact that these shitbirds are 0-14. Aside from Calvin Johnson and maybe Kevin Smith it doesn't really matter if these guys show signs of life because we all know that in order for this team to become any better a wholesale cleansing of this organization from the front office down to the players and probably the ball boys needs to happen. So if Dan Orlovsky has a good game who really cares? If someone like, say, Leigh Bodden has a good game, it's more depressing than anything because it just stands as a stark contrast to his general shittyness. Of course, the Leigh Bodden example is purely hypothetical because, come on, Leigh Bodden having a good game is as likely as a unicorn springing from my ass and then taking flight. It's only happened once and probably won't happen again. I am just kidding of course. The unicorn never actually flew, but I digress.
Even my man Ernie Sims has pretty much sucked this year which is really depressing because coming into the season he was really the only dude on this team that I liked. Maybe he has been spending too much time with his collection of exotic lizards or maybe he just stopped giving a shit. I don't know, but Ernie Sims looks like he has finally realized he is a Detroit Lion and like so many before him the weight of that name and that uniform has begun to take its toll. I mean, this is a franchise whose ineptitude made Barry Sanders weep and renounce football for fuck's sake. So it's pretty damn probable that the same sort of ennui has also taken many lesser players over the years.
We are only two games away from the impossible, and at this point there is nothing to take away that is any good. Even when Calvin Johnson does something superhuman and absurd it just makes you feel bad for the guy, that he is stuck doing it with the Lions. It is horrible to reach that point, when you start feeling sorry for the good players on your team because you know that their talent is just going to waste. Everything is just depressing at this point, everything is just an interminable reminder that we are getting ever closer to the finish line, and at that finish line is not a trophy but a giant pile of shit. It smells and nobody wants to touch it, but the Lions and the poor assholes who root for them might as well be quadriplegics just sitting in our chairs, slowly drifting towards that giant pile of shit, powerless to stop before we end up covered in it. Our eyes are wide with terror and we hope for a miracle, but deep down we know that we are just slowly rolling towards the inevitable and that shit fucking stinks.